Twice as Manly

It's the late 1990's. Two beasts of men enter a foreign (and hostile!) country to assassinate a "bad guy." That's the plot of the first level. Substitute a slightly different date, location, villian, and objective, and that's the depth of the plot. I personally am not a fan of carbon-copy level plots, but considering the game's purpose is an excuse to brutally murder hundreds (if not thousands) of people, the plot does it's job. To summarize the rest of the plot (spoilers!), the dynamic duo goes around the world, destorying terroist plots against the U.S., only to be betrayed by the company that paid them. They work against the company, and eventually destroy it, saving the world.

Now, it occurs to me that, if killing off giant section of armies is as simple as sending in two massively overpowered men in metallic masks, our armies abroad should consist of small teams of men. I mean, honestly, if real soldiers were as invincible as these two, we could take out the entire North Korean with five guys, a box of ammunition, and some energy bars, right? Considering that is obviously not possible (or if it is possible, the government is holding out on us), Army of Two loses points with me from the beginning. Mind you, I'm not a huge fan of one-shot-death games either. But it occurs to me that being able to run into a room with guns and eyes blazing should not result in a room full of dead terrorists, but rather a quite dead soldier. I may not be an expert, having not been in the military in any form, but I do believe that bullets hurt and cause death. Most people can't just shrug them off.

Inaccuracies aside, the game is quite fun, assuming you have your own subservient clone to play with. I recruited my younger brother to play along with me, and the difference it made in fun was greater than I expected. Instead of cursing repeatedly at the ineptitude of the AI on the television, I could lean over and deck my brother in the arm whenever he allowed some enemy to slip past our combined offensive. Furthermore, both he and I are FPS gamers to the core, and getting headshots is in our blood. Thus, instead of the game being difficult or frustrating, we found ourselves going crazy and doing fun stuff just for kicks. For instance, those who know anything about third-person shooters knows that a pre-requisite is a bash animation. Unlike Gears of War (which is overly bloody and violent) or Mass Effect (which is nothing more than a slight swing of the butt of the gun), Army of Two opts for a more realistic bash animation. Headbutts, body-slams, and other cranial brutality serve their purpose well, lending much enjoyment for the pointless violence.

The weaponry is impressive as well, containing everything from automatics to pistols to snipers to RPGs. I personally found myself using only two or three weapons available in the game, mostly due to the fact that I was comfterable with weapons that fired multiple rounds per pull of a trigger. For those who are curious, I used the first weapon fully upgraded, a P90 for my secondary (also fully upgraded), and a sniper rifle. There is one small thing that bothered me, however: the "pimped" option. Purchasing this arbitrary modification does little to the weapon itself, modifying the skin and aggro ability only. Though higher aggro rating is great if a player and his counterpart permanently choose a position of stealth or aggro, it's otherwise useless. In my experience, I and my brother switched roles so often that it seemed a waste of money. Furthermore, most of the "pimped" skins look completely hideous. There's a few that look like they are covered in a carbon-fiber coating, but even still, the glow and ugly shine that they exhibit far outweigh any positive notes. I personally never used it. Not once.

Despite the enjoyment of the game's combat to a point, there were certain things that pissed both of us off to no end. For instance, there are instances where one must boost the other up to the top of some object. The boosted man then turns around and pulls up his friend. However, if the person on top gets "fatally injured" for any reason, there is no way for the first guy to get up to heal him. Thus, you are forced to sit on the bottom, waiting for the inevitable death of your teammate and the upcoming respawn at the beginning of the level. This frustration lead us to the point of blows, mostly of controllers against bean-bag chairs. Fortunately, the complete lack of punishment (excluding loss of time and energy) for death softened the blow somewhat. I still hated every time it happened though.

Finally (for I'm sure most of you are still wondering why this review is so long), there are the achievements. Overall, I believe the achievements are well done. Mission completion, weapon kills, teamwork, and other such standard activities are listed, each for adequate achievement points. There are some that are quite frustrating, such as killing large numbers of suicidal terrorists (mobs with bombs strapped to their chests), but for the most part, they are all possible to be achieved with some practice. I was able to garner the achievements for several weapon types, including a rather amusing one: "Say Hello to My Lil' Friends." (For those who know the movie Scarface, that phrase is one of the most quoted lines in the movie. For those who don't know the movie, don't worry about it. You're not missing much.)

There are online achievements. I do not like online achievements. I never tried to get them. 'Nuff said.

Now I admit, I did play through quickly on easy, which caused me to miss several achievements I could have gotten easily, but considering I had five days to play the heck out of this game (which is not as much time as it seems), I believe I did rather well. The game felt good while playing it, despite a few hiccups (including a serious glitch that only happened once as a fluke) and a few moments of pure rage and frustration. This game is best played with a human counterpart, especially with someone sitting in the same room. The co-op experience is not to be missed--that is, if you plan on picking it up at all.

Considering there are much finer gaming experiences available, this game is not top on my list. However, for a weekend of messing around and pointless chaos and mayhem, this game fits the bill easily. If Army of Two seems like your cup of tea, go check it out. You won't regret it. I merely suggest picking up a copy you do not have to hang onto; it's good, but not good enough to get a collector's edition.

Overall Gamerscore for Army of Two - 655/100
+ Solid co-op gameplay
+ Constant firefight gameplay fun
+ Achievements are worth getting
- Plot and characters not as memorable as could be
- Certain customizations not worth the effort