Twice as Manly

It's the late 1990's. Two beasts of men enter a foreign (and hostile!) country to assassinate a "bad guy." That's the plot of the first level. Substitute a slightly different date, location, villian, and objective, and that's the depth of the plot. I personally am not a fan of carbon-copy level plots, but considering the game's purpose is an excuse to brutally murder hundreds (if not thousands) of people, the plot does it's job. To summarize the rest of the plot (spoilers!), the dynamic duo goes around the world, destorying terroist plots against the U.S., only to be betrayed by the company that paid them. They work against the company, and eventually destroy it, saving the world.

Now, it occurs to me that, if killing off giant section of armies is as simple as sending in two massively overpowered men in metallic masks, our armies abroad should consist of small teams of men. I mean, honestly, if real soldiers were as invincible as these two, we could take out the entire North Korean with five guys, a box of ammunition, and some energy bars, right? Considering that is obviously not possible (or if it is possible, the government is holding out on us), Army of Two loses points with me from the beginning. Mind you, I'm not a huge fan of one-shot-death games either. But it occurs to me that being able to run into a room with guns and eyes blazing should not result in a room full of dead terrorists, but rather a quite dead soldier. I may not be an expert, having not been in the military in any form, but I do believe that bullets hurt and cause death. Most people can't just shrug them off.

Inaccuracies aside, the game is quite fun, assuming you have your own subservient clone to play with. I recruited my younger brother to play along with me, and the difference it made in fun was greater than I expected. Instead of cursing repeatedly at the ineptitude of the AI on the television, I could lean over and deck my brother in the arm whenever he allowed some enemy to slip past our combined offensive. Furthermore, both he and I are FPS gamers to the core, and getting headshots is in our blood. Thus, instead of the game being difficult or frustrating, we found ourselves going crazy and doing fun stuff just for kicks. For instance, those who know anything about third-person shooters knows that a pre-requisite is a bash animation. Unlike Gears of War (which is overly bloody and violent) or Mass Effect (which is nothing more than a slight swing of the butt of the gun), Army of Two opts for a more realistic bash animation. Headbutts, body-slams, and other cranial brutality serve their purpose well, lending much enjoyment for the pointless violence.

The weaponry is impressive as well, containing everything from automatics to pistols to snipers to RPGs. I personally found myself using only two or three weapons available in the game, mostly due to the fact that I was comfterable with weapons that fired multiple rounds per pull of a trigger. For those who are curious, I used the first weapon fully upgraded, a P90 for my secondary (also fully upgraded), and a sniper rifle. There is one small thing that bothered me, however: the "pimped" option. Purchasing this arbitrary modification does little to the weapon itself, modifying the skin and aggro ability only. Though higher aggro rating is great if a player and his counterpart permanently choose a position of stealth or aggro, it's otherwise useless. In my experience, I and my brother switched roles so often that it seemed a waste of money. Furthermore, most of the "pimped" skins look completely hideous. There's a few that look like they are covered in a carbon-fiber coating, but even still, the glow and ugly shine that they exhibit far outweigh any positive notes. I personally never used it. Not once.

Despite the enjoyment of the game's combat to a point, there were certain things that pissed both of us off to no end. For instance, there are instances where one must boost the other up to the top of some object. The boosted man then turns around and pulls up his friend. However, if the person on top gets "fatally injured" for any reason, there is no way for the first guy to get up to heal him. Thus, you are forced to sit on the bottom, waiting for the inevitable death of your teammate and the upcoming respawn at the beginning of the level. This frustration lead us to the point of blows, mostly of controllers against bean-bag chairs. Fortunately, the complete lack of punishment (excluding loss of time and energy) for death softened the blow somewhat. I still hated every time it happened though.

Finally (for I'm sure most of you are still wondering why this review is so long), there are the achievements. Overall, I believe the achievements are well done. Mission completion, weapon kills, teamwork, and other such standard activities are listed, each for adequate achievement points. There are some that are quite frustrating, such as killing large numbers of suicidal terrorists (mobs with bombs strapped to their chests), but for the most part, they are all possible to be achieved with some practice. I was able to garner the achievements for several weapon types, including a rather amusing one: "Say Hello to My Lil' Friends." (For those who know the movie Scarface, that phrase is one of the most quoted lines in the movie. For those who don't know the movie, don't worry about it. You're not missing much.)

There are online achievements. I do not like online achievements. I never tried to get them. 'Nuff said.

Now I admit, I did play through quickly on easy, which caused me to miss several achievements I could have gotten easily, but considering I had five days to play the heck out of this game (which is not as much time as it seems), I believe I did rather well. The game felt good while playing it, despite a few hiccups (including a serious glitch that only happened once as a fluke) and a few moments of pure rage and frustration. This game is best played with a human counterpart, especially with someone sitting in the same room. The co-op experience is not to be missed--that is, if you plan on picking it up at all.

Considering there are much finer gaming experiences available, this game is not top on my list. However, for a weekend of messing around and pointless chaos and mayhem, this game fits the bill easily. If Army of Two seems like your cup of tea, go check it out. You won't regret it. I merely suggest picking up a copy you do not have to hang onto; it's good, but not good enough to get a collector's edition.

Overall Gamerscore for Army of Two - 655/100
+ Solid co-op gameplay
+ Constant firefight gameplay fun
+ Achievements are worth getting
- Plot and characters not as memorable as could be
- Certain customizations not worth the effort

Rhythm Rocker to the Extreme!

It's been a while, I realize this. Since my last post, I finished as much of Army of Two as I wanted to, garnered a few more achievements in Mass Effect and Rock Band, and finished my 360 version of Psychonauts. Therefore, all of those are forthcoming. However, until I have time to finish those, I'll just leave you with the impatience of inaction.

Thanks.

Terrorist Fist Jab!

Played through Army of Two with my bro last night. Did the co-op campaign of course, since that's what the game was designed to be. I'll be honest, for being a run-and-gun mass action carnage-fest, I actually found that there was less awesome fighting in this game than in Mass Effect which is primarily an RPG. I was able to garner seven achievements on my first playthrough, one of which I would like to touch on: Man of Many Masks. Yes, I knew about this achievement, so I got it on purpose (I would have spent my $110,000 on shiny guns instead but they're harder to buy). Now, mind you, I appreciate having achievements based on unlockables. Most games have them in spades. What bothers me is when you put something into the game that is completely unimportant, and to justify its very existance, you attach an achievement to them. Obviously, I realize one could argue that the masks' purpose is similar to that of the flags with the slight difference being that they actually have a cosmetic purpose rather than just existing. But I doubt anyone would actually argue that with me over Army of Two.

So far, it's an interesting game, but not something I'd buy. Renting is cool though. Hopefully I can run through it a couple more times and rack up some extra achievements before I have to turn it in on Wednesday. If I do, joy. If not, meh...not worth spending another seven bucks over for another five nights.

Also, I would like to give major props to EA for this AMAZING piece of work. Thank you marketing geniuses and game comedians.

Rockin' With an Axe and a Sniper

So I decided arbitrarily to go back and get the final online achievement I had to unlock for Rock Band, the "Tug of War Champ" achievement worth 30 gamerpoints. I thought this would be a five to ten minute process, having won many ranked tug-of-war matches prior. I played beautifully, perfecting several songs, choosing both Hard and Expert difficulties as I felt inclined. However, as time passed and more and more songs were rocked to and completed to my satisfaction, I noticed that I had yet to garner this simple achievement. Confusion (along with a minor bit of frustration) was the emotion of the evening. I was positive that I had won enough to make this easy for me, yet it was not until my tenth or twelfth song (I was only roughly keeping track) that the happy achievement popped up on my screen. Naturally, I was pleased to be rid of the most annoying of the online modes (in my opinion). I am still not sure if the achievement was accurate in the count to twenty or if I merely had a higher number in my head than I actually had. Regardless, the achievement is now under my belt.

One day and one good night's rest later, I found myself wanting some good clean competition. Seeing as I do not have any games with Live capability that give me that experience (other than Rock Band of which I had sworn off due to the night before), I turned reluctantly to Halo 3. I knew with a heavy heart that the end result would be a system pumped full of adrenaline and a mind filled with numerous words of vulgar nature. That in mind, I popped in the disk and jumped into Social Slayer. Immediately, I found my left ear barraged with inferrences about another's mother, whilst simultaneously another told a fourth to cease and desist speaking. My first instinct was to mute the lot of them, yanking my mic off of my head as I did. Yet, whether it was from some twisted sense of masochism or the feeling one gets while watching a train wreck, the headset remained clamped firmly to my skull.

Why is it that people feel the need to swear and curse at everyone in the game? I understand the freedom people feel when anonymity shows it's vindictive visage. I understand the allure of being able to freely voice one's opinion without fear of reprecussions. I merely cannot comprehend why some feel it increases the size of their online male genitalia. I know for a fact that the object of my ego has not grown nor shrunk during any of the few occasions I decended to the level of those who practice the language vulgar. Regardless of my uncouth adjectives, I did not do any better or worse than normal. Alas, that might be a part of gaming society I shall never know.

I lost track of how many games I played, and even now only vaguely remember the four or more hours I sniped and shot my way to victory or defeat. I do remember the inexplicably large probablity of being thrown into a Shotty-Sniper round. I believe I played one on Vahalla (with three of my teammates dropping out and two of my opponents following suit, leaving me to completely pwn the other team of two), two on Last Resort (wherein I lost a teammate there as well, and ended up losing by one with myself as the best player), and one on High Ground (I swear I hit one guy in the face three times only to have him calmly turn to me and shoot me...seriously, not cool). I'm sure there were more, but those stuck out to me, primarily the last one. Now, Bungie, I appreciate that you guys have created a system that will, in essence, accuately deflect bullets as need be. That being said, I believe that your system sucks ba......um......is very undesirable. Many rounds, I charged at a guy who obviously had half shields, firing my battle rifle into their face and finishing off with a bash. The end result was my death. Needless to say, my television nearly suffered a similar fate, the only difference being a controller instead of a battle rifle.

I do realize I could go back and meticulously search the Theatre lobby looking for the instances, save them, and then upload them to Bungie for cheat analysis, but the truth of the matter is that I'm lazy. Very lazy. So lazy that if I do see cheating, I probably will do nothing. Of course, I quickly justify this laziness with the following thought: "He's cheating at Halo 3. A video game. Just to beat people. Wow. Real great life he's got."

...

Well, talk about a rabbit trail...and a real great boost to my credibility. "I'm losing so he must be cheating." Allow me to sticky myself to save all of you the trouble.

Medal of Honor, et al.

Finally. After about 35 hours of playing (over time, not straight), I have finally completed Mass Effect for the first time. Yes, read that again if you need to; I did say "first time." Like the crazy weirdo I am, I do plan on running through the game a couple more times to unlock more achievements. Unlike Halo 3 or Assassin's where the extra achievements seem arbitrary or forced, the Mass Effect achievements are actually worth achieving, and I'm awfully close to completing two of them without much effort as I have a character sitting comfortably at level 49 with one achievement waiting at level 50 and another at level 60. Some will be a bit harder, a couple examples being the Hard and Insane playthroughs, though I do look forward to the challenge.

As I am not yet done with the game, I shall not post my full thoughts on it yet. I'll wait until I'm ready to put it on the shelf for a rainy day far down the road.

All of that said, I'd like to say that it has one of the most awesome planet-landing-loading-screens ever. WOW.

Also, I do know about the DLC. I'm just too cheap to get it. ><

Current Gamerscore: 450 / 1000
Gamerscore Goal: 925/1000 (if not perfect)

Choosing the Impossible

I must admit a slight bias towards this game prior to my analysis. I played Bioshock on the PC long before playing it on the 360, the time difference being about three months. Though in all reality the differences between the versions are minimal at the worst, I felt that it would be best to admit it before launching into this reminiscence. Thus, what shall follow will be a mix of my memories from both systems, pulling both the best and the worst.

This game is phenomenal. That's the quick and dirty way to describe the over thirty hours of enjoyment this game gave me on the first of many playthroughs. It's an rockin' n' rollin' romp through Rapture that leaves a rather large grin on my face. But it's about time to get into the pipes and cranks that makes this game good, both in game and in the achievement list.

Any gamer worth his salt knows that in order to make a solid next-gen game, there's a couple things needed to draw in the crowds. First is graphics, the shiny-sparkly bits that make the game leap out from the screen and throttle you with strange mutated hands. For those who don't know what it looks like (which can be remedied by browsing the extensive site or buying the game), Rapture is a strange fusion of freakishly grotesque and functionally gorgeous. Intricate stone and woodwork intertwined by pipes and steel supports give the underwater utopia the impression of being a vivacious metropolis with a flair for the flashy. Of course, everything in this decaying city is based on early to mid 1950's decor mixed with a strong dash of steampunk to give it a unique flavor. In short, Rapture is, in a way, a gigantic fluke. Each piece on its own is marginally good, mediocre at best, yet somehow as a whole, the city truly comes ALIVE.

Speaking of being alive, ZOMG THE PLOT IS AMAZING. Allow me to summarize it, at least, without revealing any spoilers. Andrew Ryan creates Rapture and populates it with smart and rich people. Smart people make breakthroughs in science. The whole place goes down the tubes. Insert faceless / nameless protagonist who's sole purpose first to help this Atlas guy save his family while somehow surviving himself. To that end, Bioshock does its best to make you think that around every corner is something out to kill you. It's not a horror or survival game, perse, but it's still a fine example of suspense and atmosphere. Dark corners and dimmed light sources give the impression of doom and gloom whilst the music (in the few areas it shows) and other such surviving remnants of the gigantic party on New Years Day 1959 still give off an aura of happiness, wealth and prosperity.

And then there's the combat. The shooter controls are not quite as solid and steady as a game devoted ONLY to being a first person shooter, yet somehow this point can be dimissed immediately by the other form of direct combat: the plasmids. For the Rapture-illiterate, plasmids are the powers that allow the player to do awesome stuff like shoot lightning out of his fingers, create flames with a snap, or lift objects and chuck them hard using only the mind. These simplistically enrapturing abilities are the perfect counterbalance to keep Bioshock from falling into the pit of a standard shoot-em-up game. I know that each time I set off a plasmid, I could not help but let out a little chuckle of pure joy. How often can you "light up your foes to a thousand degrees?"

Ah, the citizens--the final twisted inhabitants of a warped city. I'm not going to lie; the people were the ones who creeped me out the most. If it weren't for them, I'd move to Rapture in an instant. I feel no remose in mentioning the first moment a splicer (for that is what the citizens post-mutation are called) appears on the screen. The scene, though difficult to make out completely on the first run through due to darkness and shadows which enhance the atmosphere, is violent and creepy, portraying perfectly the desires of those wandering the wet streets. An unexpected but beneficial side-effect of the sequence is that I felt no remorse about killing every splicer I came across; rather, I found myself laughing sadistically as I shocked people in the water or lit them on fire or clubbed them over the head with my trusty wrench. In Rapture, you kill or be killed, simple as that. Yet, even as I found myself plowing through the hordes of splicers intent on dissecting my various physical features, I found myself pitying them. Strewn throught the game are Rapture's version of cassete recordings, each telling independently mere fragments of the complete story of the city prior to the player's arrival. As more and more are played, the picture comes into full focus similarly to a puzzle nearing completion. Only then, with the scene complete, did I fully realize the minute details placed into the grand city. Only then did I see the big picture........and I loved what I saw.

This portrayal of my perceptions would not be complete without a brief mention of the achievements in the game. For those with short memories, allow me to reiterate that my first experience with Bioshock was on a PC, thus no achievements. Only after going back and attaining a copy for my white box of doom have I been able to experience them. It should then be no surprise to all reading this that all but three achievements I unlocked I did so on the first and only playthrough on the 360 I have done so far. The three yet locked are "Historian" (which was impossible to complete due to one of the audio tapes not spawning, a minor glitch which I will remedy with a quick speedrun on easy), "Seriously Good at This," and "Brass Balls" (both of these will be attained on a single run through on Hard). Obviously, the game has the standard level completion achievements as well as the game completion achievements. What's a game without them? Mixed in with those are achievements for weapon upgrades, plasmid and tonic collection and upgrades, research completion, and minor activities (examples being shocking people in the water or hacking). These are all well and good and give the player something to strive for. Where the achievments shine, however, is with the pictures associated with the said achievements. Whereas most have bland images or screenshots based on a level, the achievements in Bioshock are small icons in that 50's art style based on the achievement itself, a nice touch.

If one were to dissect Bioshock and attempt to experience it in fragments, each piece would seem mediocre, passable at best. The shooting isn't amazing; the plasmids are unique in execution though the concept is not new; the plot has been done before (though Bioshock takes it to a new and completely unique peak); and the achievement list is not something strikingly memorable. However, Rapture, the city itself, is the shining gem that wraps around everything, pulling it together. Were this game set anywhere else or anywhen else, it would be a disaster, too incoherent to entertain. But, deep underneath the surface of the water, Rapture serves as anchoring point which allows the rest of the game to drive home with the player. I know it did for me.

As I said to a friend of mine when I finished, "After a point, I stopped caring about the plot. I stopped caring about Andrew Ryan and Atlas and Fontaine and the main character. I just wanted to see Rapture. Rapture was the biggest character in the game, and I fell in love with it."

Overall Gamerscore for Bioshock: 975/1000
+ Rapture. 'nuff said.
+ Solid combat with unique elements
+ Looks gorgeous
+ Plays smoothly and is always fun
+ Well worth every penny spent

All Ringed Out

Halo 3.

I wish I could just post that and end it right here and now. I really do. But I'd be neglecting my personal goal of cross-analyzing the library of games I have so far played as Halo 3 was one of the first trio of games delved into. Therefore, in the interest of accuracy, my thoughts.

Allow me to start with the Campaign. Having played through Co-op on Legendary and halfway through solo on Heroic (I don't have the time nor drive to solo Legendary), the first thing I really noticed was the massive difference having a teammate makes on the gameplay. When I played by myself, more often than not I found myself clenching my jaw in frustration and concentration. Somehow, the game was a chore, something I was struggling through for the sole purpose of garnering achievements. However, as soon as my bro popped his controller on and joined me, the game suddenly became fun. We sat next to each other, screenwatching both screens to make sure we were cooperating well, yelling back and forth for the little things we were or weren't doing. The sensation of working with someone made it quite enjoyable whereas playing it alone made it a chore.

The plot and achievements based on it are both well done. There's achievements per level, per skull found, and per meta-campaign mission completion. It gives several layers of depth to the otherwise bland achievement list for the campaign. That, and it made it easy to tell my first time through when I had reached the end of a level rather than just a checkpoint. I won't spoil the plot, but the ending was well done in comparasion to the last two iterations of the series, sealing off the Halo trilogy quite well (if they do indeed leave it finished).

Overall, the campaign is good, but in a way, it is merely a shiny cover for the real draw for most people (excluding myself): multiplayer. Thing is I'm all for pwning people in a match of twitching trigger fingers. I have nothing against it. I do however prefer the people I'm pwning to be people I know. For one thing, it eases the ego blow for myself (or them if I get lucky in a match) when I know legitimetly why that person beat me. That, and I know where the said person lives so that if they do try to verbally bash me, I know where to go to bash their face. It's a simple system that works well. Unfortunately in an online setting, it's quite impossible to effectively utilize this method.

Which brings me to my biggest grief with Halo 3: the community. Of course, I can't blame Bungie for it; annoying idiots are inherent to any group of anonymous people. It does detract from my enjoyment of the game, however. In the few rounds where I had logical, reasonable people on my team, I enjoyed myself immensly. For the majority of the rest, doing anything was a chore. Now, before everyone and their uncle jumps on me and complains about how I'm being unreasonable, allow me to clarify. Not everyone playing Halo 3 is an immature imbicile, just most of them. In all reality, I should be somewhat unbiased when it comes to reviewing, but I find it difficult to seperate the community from the game itself since the multiplayer is what is placed on a pedestal.

As for the multiplayer achievements, I can see their use and their purpose, but they still frustrate me immensly. First off, I think it's somewhat lame to have achievements that you have to pay Microsoft through the nose to get, and even when you do pay, you still need to be the gaming equivilent of Batman to finally get them. Top on that offending list is "Two For One" which is nothing more than being able to line up a near impossible shot (assuming it's being done legitimetly instead of asking people to nicely stand in a line) on a specific playlist. It's frustratingly difficult. Grats to those who have it, but I don't think I'm going to kill myself to get it.

In the end, what Halo 3 comes up being is nothing more than something one either loves and plays straight for five years or is ambivilent towards and plays because they have little else to do. As of this post, I have achieved 910/1000 points and doubt I'll get much more beyond the few meta-campaign missions I have yet to get. It's a good game, one I enjoy playing casually, but I don't think I'll kill myself in an attempt to perfect the game.

Overall Gamerscore for Halo 3: 820/1000
+ Good Campaign with great Co-op
+ A legitimate challenge if needed, casual enough otherwise
+ Achievements are varied for the most part
- Online Achievements. 'Nuff said.
- Annoying / Imbicilic Community