Rockin' With an Axe and a Sniper

So I decided arbitrarily to go back and get the final online achievement I had to unlock for Rock Band, the "Tug of War Champ" achievement worth 30 gamerpoints. I thought this would be a five to ten minute process, having won many ranked tug-of-war matches prior. I played beautifully, perfecting several songs, choosing both Hard and Expert difficulties as I felt inclined. However, as time passed and more and more songs were rocked to and completed to my satisfaction, I noticed that I had yet to garner this simple achievement. Confusion (along with a minor bit of frustration) was the emotion of the evening. I was positive that I had won enough to make this easy for me, yet it was not until my tenth or twelfth song (I was only roughly keeping track) that the happy achievement popped up on my screen. Naturally, I was pleased to be rid of the most annoying of the online modes (in my opinion). I am still not sure if the achievement was accurate in the count to twenty or if I merely had a higher number in my head than I actually had. Regardless, the achievement is now under my belt.

One day and one good night's rest later, I found myself wanting some good clean competition. Seeing as I do not have any games with Live capability that give me that experience (other than Rock Band of which I had sworn off due to the night before), I turned reluctantly to Halo 3. I knew with a heavy heart that the end result would be a system pumped full of adrenaline and a mind filled with numerous words of vulgar nature. That in mind, I popped in the disk and jumped into Social Slayer. Immediately, I found my left ear barraged with inferrences about another's mother, whilst simultaneously another told a fourth to cease and desist speaking. My first instinct was to mute the lot of them, yanking my mic off of my head as I did. Yet, whether it was from some twisted sense of masochism or the feeling one gets while watching a train wreck, the headset remained clamped firmly to my skull.

Why is it that people feel the need to swear and curse at everyone in the game? I understand the freedom people feel when anonymity shows it's vindictive visage. I understand the allure of being able to freely voice one's opinion without fear of reprecussions. I merely cannot comprehend why some feel it increases the size of their online male genitalia. I know for a fact that the object of my ego has not grown nor shrunk during any of the few occasions I decended to the level of those who practice the language vulgar. Regardless of my uncouth adjectives, I did not do any better or worse than normal. Alas, that might be a part of gaming society I shall never know.

I lost track of how many games I played, and even now only vaguely remember the four or more hours I sniped and shot my way to victory or defeat. I do remember the inexplicably large probablity of being thrown into a Shotty-Sniper round. I believe I played one on Vahalla (with three of my teammates dropping out and two of my opponents following suit, leaving me to completely pwn the other team of two), two on Last Resort (wherein I lost a teammate there as well, and ended up losing by one with myself as the best player), and one on High Ground (I swear I hit one guy in the face three times only to have him calmly turn to me and shoot me...seriously, not cool). I'm sure there were more, but those stuck out to me, primarily the last one. Now, Bungie, I appreciate that you guys have created a system that will, in essence, accuately deflect bullets as need be. That being said, I believe that your system sucks ba......um......is very undesirable. Many rounds, I charged at a guy who obviously had half shields, firing my battle rifle into their face and finishing off with a bash. The end result was my death. Needless to say, my television nearly suffered a similar fate, the only difference being a controller instead of a battle rifle.

I do realize I could go back and meticulously search the Theatre lobby looking for the instances, save them, and then upload them to Bungie for cheat analysis, but the truth of the matter is that I'm lazy. Very lazy. So lazy that if I do see cheating, I probably will do nothing. Of course, I quickly justify this laziness with the following thought: "He's cheating at Halo 3. A video game. Just to beat people. Wow. Real great life he's got."

...

Well, talk about a rabbit trail...and a real great boost to my credibility. "I'm losing so he must be cheating." Allow me to sticky myself to save all of you the trouble.